Editor’s Note: Gus Danube has been a part of Raptorial since the beginning. In fact, it was over ten years ago when Mr. Danube graced the pages of our first issue with a reckless tirade of swear words and criticisms (albeit with a sliver of actual intellectualism). Well, some things change over time, and then again, some things do not. Since Mr Danube’s return from a 3-year stint as a sensitivity trainer for the "School of the Americas" (where Torture 101 always has a wait-list), Mr. Danube has let us know that he needs something a bit less challenging, hence his submissions to Raptorial. In this ongoing column (ongoing until we pay off the debt or a terrible accident occurs) Gus will tackle the current issues, in his own, individual... idiom Reader beware that Mr. Danube is not known for his deep sense of compassion, nor his subtlety. In fact, the only reason we’ll let him continue to submit material is that we still owe him money. And the fact that (at times) he can be mildly entertaining. Oh well. Here’s Gus:
Miami Cuban Idiocy: Boy-Tug-O-War In the latest in a comedic show of paranoia and moronic politics, the ever-ridiculous anti-Castro Cuban media is hyping the recent claim that the Virgin Mary has been appearing in little Elian’s mirror and bedroom window. That’s right, you heard me correctly. The family (and other fanatics with too much time and money on their hands) have put together protest signs that show little Elian holding a baby Jesus, and simliar types of unbelievable propaganda. These so-called spokespeople for Elian claim that this is all a sign from God. Funny, rich Spanish-descent Cubans have a direct line with God? Perhaps that’s how they made so much money in Florida real estate? You know, some people here at Raptorial have been to Cuba, and all we can say about all the stuff you hear in the U.S. media is, be careful and "don’t believe the hype!" This Cuban child has become an important pawn in a much bigger battle. If only Elian could sue for a collective community’s intentional child abuse? Anyway, while the house is blocked off, these family members (NOT the father mind you) claim that this means Elian is blessed by their God and must stay in the U.S. C’mon folks, there is little more to say other than the credibility factor for this reactionary group has reached an all-time low. Why do the politicians still kiss their collective ass? Even soon-to-be presidential do-nothing Albert Snore offered to make the little Cuban boy an American citizen. Well, almost anything is more bearable than enduring the pathetic, capitalism-worshipping folks from Miami screaming about freedom versus communism. If it weren’t so sad, it might be funny. U.S. Screws Chechens Human Rights Watch reported to the Senate Committee on Foreign Relations that the Russian military has "indiscriminately and disproportionately bombed and shelled civilian objects, causing heavy civilian casualties." Russian forces have reportedly arrested, beaten, jailed without cause men from the ages of 14 — 70. What is going on here!? Doesn’t this sound a bit familiar? Where is the U.S and her strong policy backbone now? Well, raping and pillaging seems to be OK as long as it is your goddam brother in arms, huh? We should be ashamed, for we don’t seem to give a damn about Chechens. Oh — but we certainly gave a damn about Bosnian Muslims not so long ago. On February 5 of this year, Russian forces murdered over 60 Chechens, and that is just one isolated incident. The U.S. says and does nothing. It will be sometime next year when the unbelievable horrors of the Russian forces’ activities will be revealed...and no one dare speak a mean word, Russia is a buddy. Yup, another nice treaty with the Russian spy-turned President, another World Bank loan so that we can sell them Coca-Cola, Camel cigarettes and Trojan condoms. It is often embarrassing to be an American, poised in this relatively well-educated country (a debatable statement I know), as no one dares speak out against this kind of crap. I guess when your lover is the killer, tight lips is the policy. ...It’s sad, that’s all I can say. School Prayer, Again? Here we go again. Didn’t brain-dead Reagan say that once or twice during his ‘showcase of ignorance’ (the presidential debate against then incumbent Jimmy Carter)? Anyway, for those of you not tuned in, the Supreme Court is scheduled to hear arguments regarding school prayer at public school events such as football games. This could end up being a landmark decision, as it could set an important modern-day precedent for how much the wacky-Christian folks get to force their bible-dribble down our collective throats. As a good, critically-thinking American, I cannot help but comment that it’s rather funny to watch how the Christians have been fretting over the slow deterioration of their collective power for the past 30 years. A decision in favor of allowing such prayers will only enhance the peer pressure to be "good Christians" and to tolerate the intolerable missionizing and proselytizing that the Christian church is historically known for. Regarding the free speech aspect, if they allow the Christians to do those prayers, then I guess it will be OK to let the Satan-worshippers, pagans and everyone else do the same? I wonder how many born-againers would agree to that: "Welcome to tonight’s battle between the Birmingham Spartans and the Montgomery Wildcats, but first, a little prayer about our lord and master, Satan!" Flag Burning Bill Update We are rejoicing that the often ridiculous, rarely insightful Senate did something intelligent. It’s odd, even Republicans understand the basics sometimes. The Senate, by throwing out the prohibitive "Flag Burning Amendment" have kept hope alive for true freedom of expression. What can we say? Here at Raptorial, we are all about free expression, even if it’s in your face. In celebration, we’ll burn a flag just for you Sen. Jesse Helms, you *&^%$#@!@#$%^&*!!!!!! Jewish Gays & the Church The Jewish Reform Movement voted overwhelmingly to support same-sex ceremonies in their synagogues. This is the third major religious denomination to adopt a national policy allowing such ceremonies. The others are the Unitarian Universalists and the United Church of Christ. All we can really add to this already wonderful act is "neener, neener, neener!" to the gay/lesbian fearing folks. You see, no matter how much fear and homophobia you have, it seems that truth and compassion win out. We are all hoping that someday you’ll join the human race. I for one, however, wouldn’t hold my breath. I mean, the Christians don’t necessarily have a good history of tolerance towards the rest of us (e.g. remember The Crusades?)..... |
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